Crash course on the road to hell June 25th, 2006

Well, well, well!!!!
I was at a show last night, and all the indie bands were really good.  However one thing kept happening.  As I began to listen to the lyrics of certain songs (I had never heard of any of the bands) I started daydreaming.  It happened about four times last night.  Let me clarify.  There were obviously a few songs that talked about relationships and leaving this area.  Everyone who is close to me knows that I miss Beth very much.  I have come to realize in the past two months just how much I loved her.  I know I cannot hurry up and die just to see her.  I also do not believe that suicide is a guarantee bus ride on the road to Hell.  I have began to realize why she did it.  It was five years ago to the month.  I think we would have had a great life together if we had only dropped all of the bad habits.  I used to wish for death after she died.  I went on for two years with that state of mind.  However, I was unable to complete my objective through self-destructive behavior.  I am not one for killing myself.  I tried that, and I can't seem to die right.  I am not saying I am invincible, but for some reason I have to walk today with a beating heart.  I am sure anyone who has ever known me, knows I do not fear death, I welcome it.  But for the past three years, I have not awoke in the morning and wished today be that day.  I can however say, that my future is now, I do not believe in tomorrow, and I am trying desperately to stay out of yesterday, but she keeps calling to me.  I miss her and love her very much.  Beth was that beautiful woman that everyone says died too young, and she had so much to offer.  Maybe if people would have left her alone, she might still be here.  Stress and Money are the quickest ways to die.  Money doesn't motivate me, Life does.....

I guess the point of this blog was to say, I am trying to get busy living, cause dying is a one time gig.  Maybe in the next life, I can find her a lot sooner before her soul is tortured.  I have the gift of gab, and I want everyone to know (including women) I am damaged goods; however these goods are still for sale; and THEY WORK JUST FINE!!!!!!

Grabbing the future is only a second away.
How far does your sight go.
Mine to yesterday and maybe the next hour.
Anything more is surely a death sentence.
Believe that tomorrow will never come.
I can guarantee you will be living.
Living the best you ever have.
Watching life pass you by wasting time for tomorrow.
Why put off tomorrow what you can do today.
Come join me on the quest for knowledge.
Knowledge that can only be achieved by wandering.
Wandering; wandering; wandering; wandering around.
Until that perfect place is found.
Somewhere down the road, you know surrounded by roses.
Where the sun sets for hours, and the clouds look pink all the time
Follow me, and you had better hurry, because I don't have tomorrow
Only today, and if you ain't coming, I feel bad for you......
You just missed out on another life experience.
So what memories do you have?
What stories can you tell?
Just as I thought!!!!  Get busy living; or Get busy dying::::
It was always your choice!!!!!!!!!!!!1