CHAPTER 10
“Welcome Davis. I am Gwen. I run these groups to try to give everyone some stability in your minds. We are not here to judge, all this facility wants to do is to show you what possible solutions you might find to solve your problems. Have a seat and we will get started.”
“Thanks.” Davis said.
Davis sat in one of the chairs that were arranged in a circle. To his left was James and to his right was Harvey. Christian and Kevin sat directly across from him. Jon and Steve were next to Harvey and Gwen sat in between James and Kevin. Davis looked at Gwen. She was wearing black slacks with a white blouse. She wore a black jacket which was unbuttoned. She had on black heels, and Davis was a little aroused at the natural beauty this twenty something woman; had. She wore no make up and her hair fell straight down past her shoulders. She had a clipboard, “obviously for taking our issues.” Davis thought.
“Okay, so since we have a new guest, maybe we should go around the room and introduce ourselves and tell a little bit about ourselves. I’ll start. I went to school to be a C.A.D.C. Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor. I am certified, and I continued my education. I run these groups so that I can better acclimate myself to run a private counseling firm. Okay, your turn Kevin.” Gwen finished.
“I am Kevin; I got expelled from school for throwing a chair at my math teacher. I fucking hate math. My parents tried to send me to rehab, but I took off with my girlfriend. We ended up in Champaign-Urbana. I started partying really hard with the U. of I. hockey team. Within a month, I was standing on the corner of Fourth Street and Green with a loaded 9mm pistol, trying to kill myself. The police came and talked me out of doing it. Fucking cop bastards. They told me things would get better if I just put the gun down. Then my girlfriend showed up and said she loved me and didn’t want me to die. I listened, I hate that bitch, but we are getting married as soon as they let me out of here. The cops made me see a psychiatrist, and then my parents worked out a plan for me to come here, so I could be close to home. This group sucks Gwen.” Kevin rambled on.
“Thanks Kevin. That was good.” Gwen said. “Christian.”
“What? I don’t feel like talking.” Christian said.
“Okay, we will come back to you. But you are going to talk by the end of group.” Gwen said.
“I’ll say.” James said with a smirk.
“Fuck you James.” Christian said loudly.
“In your dreams punk.” James replied.
“Enough.” Gwen said looking at James, and not even glancing over at Christian. “Jon, do you feel like sharing a little tonight?”
“Okay.” Jon said looking at his feet while he spoke.
“My name is Jon. I am very messed up in here.” Jon said as he pointed to his head. “My mom used to tell me I’m stupid, and then I would be stupid. I went to school and all the kids called me fat. I am stupid and fat.”
“Jon.” Gwen said in an encouraging tone.
“I used to be fat and stupid. Now, I am learning that I don’t need people’s permission to think, act, or look a certain way. So…” Jon said as his eyes gazed off into a different reality.
Davis just shook his head. He was really out of place. He wasn’t suicidal. He was stupid, but not crazy. Here as he listened to these guys talk about their lives and problems, he began to feel more and more different. There was no common ground. He tried to keep an open mind with the rest of group.
“Steve.” Gwen said, waiting for Steve to look up. “Steve.”
Steve looked up from oblivion and caught Gwen’s eyes. She nodded her head for him to speak. He shook his head from left to right. He obviously didn’t want to talk, and Gwen was not trying to force it on him.
“That’s okay Steve, maybe next week.” Gwen said in a very calm and rational voice. “Harvey.”
“I’m Harvey, and I truly know why I am here. It has nothing to do with sob stories. I grew up in an Irish family. It is my heritage that I drink. Now I am a recovering Catholic. I used to think God was a punishing God, but I was the punisher. Anyway, my wife died three months ago. I couldn’t handle anything. The funeral had to be planned by my kids. I don’t remember the wake; I pushed my little nephew out of the way, when he was carrying the casket. I thought he wasn’t doing a good job as a pallbearer. The casket crashed to the floor, and there laid my wife. I fell to my knees. I started crying. I loved that woman. Forty years of marriage. She stuck by me through thick and thin. I thought it was only right, to want to join her in death. I grabbed her cold body and held her in my arms. I rocked back and forth asking God to take me too. Why couldn’t he take me also? After about five minutes, I realized everyone in the church was staring at me. I looked into the faces of my children and grandchildren. I realized that I needed to be here to be with them a little while longer. But, by then, everyone thought I was crazy and figured I would kill myself by the end of the day. I came here because my family asked me too. I figure, it’s a vacation. I am treating it like a vacation.” Harvey said. He had no expression on his face. Davis noticed the whole time he spoke that he showed no emotion whatsoever. Davis actually understood. It made group a little easier.
“Thanks Harvey, that was good. We will come back to you.” Gwen said. “Davis, if you want to say something, think about it, then you can speak after James. Okay.”
Davis just nodded his head in agreement. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to say anything at all, but the notion had crossed his mind while listening to Harvey. Gwen looked at James and nodded her head in approval. James didn’t hesitate for one second.
“I’m James, and I am here because I am a man. Yeah, you heard me Gwen. I am a man. I found out my wife was sleeping around the neighborhood for crack. The bitch would suck and fuck anybody for a hit. I kicked in the door of a crack house and saw her on all fours in the front room. Four guys were running a train on her. I pulled out my pistol and smashed the first guy in the face. The other three stepped and I raised my gun, they stepped back with the quickness. They knew who I was, and they knew I would not have hesitated to blow their fucking brains all over the dirty walls. Hell, it would have been an improvement. Anyway, I picked up my old lady and dragged her ass by her nappy ass weave, out the door. When we got home, I beat the shit out of her. Hell, she deserved it. By the time the cops came, I was insane. I tried to take on every cop that came through my door. The only reason they got me alive was because the sarge blasted me with that fucking tazer gun. Anyway, when it was all said and done, I found myself in division 9 fighting a shit load of aggravated battery cases. I was found innocent on all charges due to temporary insanity. That was no easy thing. The only reason all that shit went down like that was because I found out the bitch gave me H.I.V. However, they put me here until I was ready to re enter society. That ain’t happenin’ any time soon. I don’t want to go back out them doors. The bitch gave me H.I.V. Can you believe that shit?” James said shaking his head in disgust and disbelief.
Davis didn’t know what to say after that. He found himself speechless after James’ little speech. It didn’t faze anyone else, because they had heard it a thousand times before. Gwen looked at Davis.
“So, do you feel like telling us your story?” Gwen asked.
“I don’t know, James; I think said enough for all of us.” Davis said still in disbelief.
“Man, you don’t know the half of it.” James said with a smile. The smile was not genuine and Davis knew it. There was a lot of pain and anger behind those eyes. Davis still couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t see it earlier.
“Well, I’m Davis. I was born and raised here in Chicago. I moved out to Phoenix when I was eighteen. That’s where I met my wife. We came here for our honeymoon. I ended up in an accident and a police officer was killed. I sat in jail for over a year, and like you James, I was found not guilty.”
“I knew I knew you from somewhere. You killed that state pig. Yeah, yeah, I read about that, you are a hero in my book.” Christian cut Davis off.
“You have no idea what comes out of your mouth, do you?” Davis asked.
“I don’t know.” Christian said as he shrugged his shoulders.
“Anyway, I got out and started drinking really heavy and then the trouble just kept coming. I was in the papers everyday, and I couldn’t do anything right. I went to rehab, that didn’t work out. Then my wife left me, and I guess someone found me in the airport bathroom at Midway. I don’t know why I am here except what you people tell me.” Davis finished as he pointed towards Gwen.
“Well, were you not saying you wanted to die?” Gwen asked.
“Yeah, but just like Harvey here, I didn’t mean it. I mean I have said I could kill someone, that doesn’t mean I am going to kill someone. The problem with all you, quacks, is that you read into what people say, way too much.” Davis finished his little speech.
“Okay, okay. How about we change the subject? Christian, why don’t you tell us about you?” Gwen commanded.
‘Yeah, I’m ready. I am Christian. I live four blocks from here. I grew up on the streets, and my mind doesn’t work like all of yours. I am constantly thinking about, hurting people and myself. I just can’t help it. Plus, I love smoking weed and drinking. It keeps my mind in check. My mom has tried to rape me.”
“You’re telling lies again, man.” James said.
“No, she got naked and told me to fuck her. She is a crazy bitch. And she hits me all the time. I don’t know what to do when I am at home. So I smoke bowls and drink. I have been in trouble for hitting her and when we fight the crazy bitch always calls the cops. That is pretty much it. When I get out of here, you all are welcome to come over and smoke some weed and drink some beers.” Christian finished.
“Well, now that we have gotten past all our introductions, maybe it is time for a smoke break. So why don’t we take ten minutes and go out for a cigarette.” Gwen said.
Davis was all for that. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a cigarette. They all piled out into the courtyard. It was dark out, and the lamps gave an eerie feel to the enclosed courtyard. Davis looked up while he puffed on the Newport cigarette he bummed off of James. The stars were visible, but the lamps were making it hard to see them clearly. Davis smiled to himself, thinking of better times, better places, and Beth.
“Well, let’s go back inside everyone.” Gwen said as she put out her cigarette in the receptacle.
Davis and the rest of the group returned to their chairs and awaited the next hour of torture from the beautiful Gwen.
“Okay, so now since we have only an hour left, I got a surprise for you guys.” Gwen said with an evil smirk. “Well, Harvey, it looks like your time is up here. The doctors have agreed that you are ready to go back to your life outside of here. So, what do you think about that?”
“Are you kidding me? I mean I don’t know what to say. My daughter didn’t say anything. I figured she would be the first to know.” Harvey finished with a huge smile on his face, an ear to ear grin.
“Well, Harvey, the doctor’s thought it would be better if you told her in person. As in, outside of here. Anyway, if the doctor’s didn’t think you could handle it, then they would not have told me to tell you. Tomorrow, you will see Dr. Fellows, and he will make sure you have the prescriptions you need.” Gwen finished.
“Thanks Gwen. Hey and thanks guys. You really have made me feel welcome here. Even though I might miss you guys, trust me, it won’t be that much.” Harvey said as the group let out a chuckle.
“Hey, good luck. Oh, and don’t be saying no more death threats, to you or anyone else.” James said.
“Yeah, and try to find some hot momma to get up wit.” Kevin said.
“Figures, it don’t make sense. I am nowhere as sick as you, and you are the one leaving.” Christian said.
“Good luck, Harvey.” Davis said.
“Thanks.” Harvey finished.
“Okay, now Davis, it seems that your seventy two hours is up tomorrow. I was told to ask you if you wanted admit yourself for further observation.” Gwen said.
“What?” Davis said, not realizing that his time was up.
“Yes, that’s right; you are scheduled to leave tomorrow in the afternoon or early evening. I am not sure on the time. Unless you decide to stay, we can’t hold you any longer. You are not threat to yourself or others, so the doctors would have no legal ground to hold you here.” Gwen finished her speech.
“Are you kidding? You’re asking me if I want to stay. Hell no, I am ready to go, the sooner the better. Hey the hospitality has been great, and except for Christian calling me a Bitch. The guys have been great too.” Davis said, not realizing what he had just started.
“What?” Gwen asked with a quick, sharp glance at Christian.
“I was just playing with the guy.” Christian tried to explain.
“I’ll come back to you.” Gwen said as she pointed her finger at Christian.
Christian glared at Davis. Davis saw that he touched a nerve. James was chuckling while he watched Christian begin to sweat. He loved screwing with the kid. The rivalry that James and Christian had started months ago was an added bonus for James to not care whether they released him or not. Christian didn’t feel the same way. He hated James, and if he could get away with it, would stab him in the neck with a Bic pen. It was Christian’s weapon of choice.
“Davis, Christian has been told to work on his swearing and insulting of others. But this is not about him right now. I want to know what you plan to do when you leave here. Do you have any family? Do you have a place to go? Will anybody be picking you up?” Gwen asked a lot of questions hoping that Davis would want to talk about what he was going to do. The more she could write down on him, the better the diagnosis would be for the doctors.
“Well, no I have no family, no friends, and yes I have a house to go to in Hanover Park. Nobody will be here to pick me up, and I will manage. As soon as I get home, I need to find a job, and get my life in order somehow. Maybe, I will go to A.A. meetings at first until I can get some control back in my life. But in all reality, no strings mean no ties are holding me down. So when I wake up tomorrow, that’s when I’ll figure it out.” Davis finished, not wanting to talk anymore. He knew the quicker he shut up, meant that the quicker the focus would be on Christian.
“Well, okay, good luck to you. But remember if you have any trouble whatsoever you can always come here and admit yourself. Now, Christian, what have we said was going to happen, if you persisted on acting out aggressively?” Gwen asked.
“It ain’t happenin’.” Christian said.
“It is happening. As a matter of fact, tomorrow the recommendations will be put on Dr. Fellow’s desk.” Gwen said.
‘Oh come on, I didn’t mean anything by it. Why did you rat on me?” Christian said as he glared at Davis again.
“Don’t put this on him. This is about you and your actions. After tomorrow, I don’t think there will be anymore problems out of you.” Gwen said.
“What’s going to happen?” Davis asked. He was rather curious since everyone in the group knew what was going on except him.
“Tell him, Christian.” Gwen said.
“Thorazine. Fucking thorazine.” Christian mumbled as he put his chin on his chest and acted like he was pissed. But instead it looked like he was pouting.
“I am not following.” Davis said.
“Thorazine is a drug that puts us crazies on hold. It will make you sit there and be good while you drool all over yourself. You know, like a real heavy nod. Except you have no control. Plus, you don’t even know what is happening around you.” James tried to explain the situation.
“Oh.” Davis said. He still didn’t fully understand but he had a better idea.
“Yeah man, you really fucked me.” Christian yelled.
“Hey, do want me to call Jack and have them restrain you.” Gwen threatened.
“I don’t care. Go ahead call them.” Christian called her bluff.
Gwen reached for her walkie talkie, she was about to call Cracker Jack for assistance, but Christian motioned for her to stop.
‘Okay, I’ll be good; at least I can still be alive tonight, right Kevin.” Christian said as he nudged Kevin’s arm.
Kevin laughed along with Christian. Nobody else found the situation funny, except Davis. He found it humorous that even in the worst of times; people could always find life funny. Group ended and they all went outside for one last smoke break before they were locked down on their tier for the night. The group made their way to their rooms.
“Hey Davis, watch your back tomorrow.” James said.
“What?” Davis asked.
“Well, watch out, if you are going home, Christian just might be planning something. Get my drift.” James said.
“Yeah, I already thought about it. Thanks.” Davis said as he shut his door and heard the lock click.
“Alright, everyone, have a good night’s rest and I’ll catch up with you guys tomorrow afternoon.” Cracker Jack yelled from the facilitator’s desk.
Davis heard the other guys give their “goodnight” or sarcastic comments. Davis looked up at the “Our Father” on the wall and decided that there was no point in reciting it anymore, he was leaving. It was just about time for him to be doing exactly what he knew best. Getting on with life and taking it to the limits. He laid there all night tossing and turning. He didn’t know what to expect without Beth being around. He knew he had to get a job in order to pay the rent. The worries of the outside world weighed on Davis’ mind all through the night.
