Life as of today Sept. 22nd, 2007

Good afternoon, it has been quite some time since I blogged.  Life as of today is moving fast again and I love it.  School is in full swing, lots of projects to do which should keep me busy for a while.  I went to another Shot Baker show last night and saw some great bands.  I shot the Shot Baker set on video for the band, I am practicing for the upcoming feature film of 'Jails.'  I am really enjoying myself with the camera.  I have to shoot a short clip today/tomorrow for my video production course.  The script should be finished soon for the book, which means we will be going into pre-production soon.  That will be fun also.
I am single again.  I came to the realization again that the road in search of the One is still ongoing.  Nicole has been great, and she has about 90% of what I am looking for, maybe she is The One but she is not that person today.  I don't know what the future holds, and I hope that we remain friends because we all know that life throws curves and fastballs without you knowing what is coming.  I really had a great time with her the past 2 1/2 months but I just can't do it any longer.  She has a big heart, one of the kindest people I have ever met, but I guess I am still jaded from Beth.  I told my mom the other day that Beth is how I compare women, Beth was 98% of the woman I wanted, she was so close but she was not The One either.  Thankfully I see that or I would be destined to be alone if she was The One.  Second best is not what I want, and I will confine myself to loneliness for eternity if I cannot find 100%.  It is not depressing to think about being alone but it is disheartening.  So many women have passed through my life and if I could put all those women together into one woman I know I would be content because they all have a piece of what I search for.  Until I find her though I am not going to spend all my time searching, I will instead keep my promise to myself that The Search will not consume me.  Like I said earlier I have a ton of stuff to do now, so I will keep with that program.  Life is just one of those things I can't call at the moment.  I don't know what lies in the future, but I am optimistic about the events yet to be unfolded.  Nicole, Thanks for the awesome Summer, I am sorry we couldn't make it work, but you are awesome and I don't want you to settle either.  I don't think I am the man you should have in your life as a boyfriend.  There are better men out there suited to your taste and what you deserve.  I am a great man, but only for the right woman.  My intricacies and quirks are so crazy that I will drive the sanest women crazy. 
I also want to iterate that I do not like being judged, if anyone out there judges me, I will cut my strings that attach us in society.  I have removed many people from my life for that reason.  I know where I have been, I know what I have done, and I don't need someone to tell me those things were wrong.  I am not the same person I was 4 years ago (yes it has been 4 years as of Thursday...Some of you know what I mean).  I feel great today, I am a little upset that I have to break someone's heart, but I cannot settle down for something I don't believe will work out in the long run.  Don't judge lest ye be judged first!
Thanks to all of you out there who want to continue to keep me in your life in some capacity.  I appreciate all of you; and I know my foundations include all of you. 
I will post more after I receive the script.  Now I have to go have that conversation with Nicole...These are the only bad moments in life, when you know you have to have a serious conversation and that someone is going to feel bad, or both will feel bad.  There is never a good way of breaking up, even though I have tried to think about what I want to say and how to say it, I think I am just going to be blunt, honest, and quick.  No 'you's' will be said, only 'I's' will be used for the conversation, there is no blame here, only that we tried and it didn't work out; unlike the stories write!  Some things are destined to fail...

Kenny