Silence is golden July 18th, 2006

Well the gem turned out to be not what I was looking for.  Last night I went out with the ex and nothing has changed on her end.  Still chaos enveloped in a female body.  Beautiful, smart, and almost everything I want.  I consider just taking her and settling but I know in my mind it would mean settling for second best.  If I was searching for The One and The Two, then she would be in my life permanently, but I guess I don't want two women, I don't want to be selfish, and I know The One still walks this plane of existence.  I love The Two though, and she has a place in my heart, but I cannot deal with all the drama.  Maybe she really is The One and time will show me that, but today I get the feeling like I must continue with the search.  Life is full of chaos, but on a lighter note, I have surpassed 120 pages with Simplicity, which means I am on schedule for a September/October print.  I am really putting in the hours with the book, but it will be worth it.  Also today I was brainstorming a new idea.  I think I am going to write a motivational book. I was going to write the Auto-Biography but I think I can use my life and what I have accomplished since I broke down years ago to give others motivation and inspiration.  My roommate says I need to be more positive to do it, but I am truth teller and my message will not get caught up in the tone, I admit I have tone down the intensity a little otherwise it will come across angry but I think I am capable, as a matter of fact I wrote down ten or twelve chapter ideas today.  I am working on putting together forty or so.  We shall see how that turns out.  I want the best for me, and I cannot settle for second place.  I will not settle for second place.  Wish me luck with all my endeavors, because I am going to need it, I am betting it all on the search, and if it doesn't pan out, I guess I will be living it up on the beach of The Baha Peninsula all by my lonesome, and a dog, can't forget the dog...