I don't know why we are so damn stubborn and intense. I am always living my life on the edge. I always live it to the fullest; and my friends tell me all the time to be patient; but the bottom line if I am truly living in the day; today; then how can patience even play a factor. I mean; I know I am not totally in today. I do think about tomorrow; but it doesn't play a role in my decisions. Those are hopes and NOT expectations. Anyway; I get out of work in an hour; and when I get home I am going to copy my birthday out of my Star Bible; and everyone can see why I am always removing my foot from my mouth. Why I jump the gun constantly; Why I don't wait well; why I consume caffeine in high quantities; why I don't sleep; why I multi task a thousand things at once; and above all why I don't care about what others think of me. I have my own opinions and I share them gladly; but who really knows me?
The answer is me: I know me; you probably don't; so I ask you please don't judge me; it is beneath you. I am sitting here at work and my stomach is growling; I probably should eat because I am obviously cranky. But whatever; here we go again; last week I was really happy; but I don't like being happy all the time; it clouds my vision; and I lose motivation and ambition because I think all is well everywhere. But everything can't be well everywhere. I am not bitchin here either so don't send me some crazy message about how I am so negative; (Jenni) I know how I feel; I am not negative; I have high hopes and I am feeling good. So maybe I should not have said 'I don't like being happy all the time' Actually I do like being happy all the time; but my happiness is more secure when I know everything is in order. I work very hard to keep my life in order. I am not asking for hand outs. I don't borrow money; I don't ask for rides; I pay my bills ahead of schedule; I do exactly what I am supposed to; but if I slow down my pace I feel out of whack. Like last night; I actually got some sleep; and there I was falling asleep this afternoon before I had to go to work. I don't work well with sleep; I feel like once I start to sleep; my whole schedule starts to crack.
Well, I am not writing this for any of you who read this; so please don't message me with some crazy comment; because I don't want to hear it. I just needed to vent somewhere and it is better on my page than someone elses. Anyway, things are changing again really soon; I am planning the change of schools and jobs in January; and I got the vacation to Washington coming in December; Plus my birthday next month. OH yeah; DO NOT BUY ME ANYTHING!!! I mean it; I am too old for birthday presents; it's like Christmas; it's for the kids. A happy birthday comment or wish to me in person is more than enough. It's not that I wouldn't appreciate it; but I am just not that guy who gets all teary eyed on my b-days. Just another day; and all my memories from that day were/are very hazy or unclear. I know for years I spent it with a Bottle of JD if not two; and then some girl I could never remember the name of the next morning. So; since that is not the case any longer; just wish me a happy birthday; that would be great.
Well; the venting is over; and now back to the regular scheduled programming. Oh yeah; one more thing; don't pound on more door with cat food you say you want to give away; and then turn around and ask for money. Pete your an ass. Maybe that is where this day turned left when I should've been going right. Pete's cat died yesterday; so anyone who knew the behemoth of a cat that wandered through my front yard on a daily basis; well make your prayers to whoever it is you pray too; because he died yesterday. Twister; RIP; he was a good cat/dog; he was a cat but the size and mentality of a dog. Pete is an ass; because he never took care of the thing; but who am I to judge. I love cats but I am not a cat person; just not my cup of tea; give me a Great Dane or something; now that's an animal I could handle.
P.S. Andrea and Erica; you can pick up your cats whenever you want; because I am tired of babysitting them for you. They are costing me money; and I love em; but they are NOT mine; so get your shit together and come and get em. Or call mom and tell her she can take em. Damn; sometimes I hate being the Big Brother; always the go to guy when everybody else can't manage their lives. Fuck it...I am moving on...
Later
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