The Weekend's events Sept. 8th, 2008

This is a story to be told here since I know only certain people actually read my blogs, and those that I hope never read this, do not normally visit my blog page.

On Saturday I had to get my sisters' cats from my brother Fred who had been cat-sitting for about 2 months since I moved out of my apartment. I was hoping to find a solution to the problem of the little ones, but I was unable to find them another home. Saturday afternoon came and I had no solutions so I returned them to The Anti-Cruelty Society from where they came originally.

I had contacted the Society about their rules and regulations. They had told me that as long as the cats pass vet exams they will be put back up for adoption, and if they are never adopted they will live at the Society until they pass on from natural causes. There is no deadline for euthanasia as there is at other shelters and/or pounds. I did not see an issue since I had the cats taken the vet at regular intervals while they were under my care.

The trip to downtown was filled with the cries of Tinks and Mia. They always spent car rides crying, so this was nothing out of the ordinary. We arrived at the Society about 3 PM, and I went inside to make sure everything was the way it was told to me on the phone. It was; so I went back to the car and grabbed the kids/cats. Anyway, when I got inside and went into the 'return/drop-off' door, the cats were placed on the counter. I gave the Society the paperwork I had received from my dad when I took over ownership (well at least care) of the cats. They put the cats in little cages, and immediately the cats stopped crying. They knew what was happening, like that sick patient who knows he is dying but no longer fears it, only welcomes it! It was very disturbing.

Then the guy says, 'What is wrong with this one's mouth?'

'What are you talking about?' I asked in surprise.

'There is something wrong with her mouth!' He says.

He then calls over a vet who happened to be passing through. The vet examines Tinks and says she has gum disease. Of course he said the proper medical term, which relates to humans as halitosis (bad breath). Then the vet turns to me and says...

'She will not be put up for adoption, we have to put her down!'

That statement surprised me...

'What is wrong with you doc? You couldn't keep that information to yourself? You just had to tell me that right?' I asked rhetorically.

'I'm sorry sir!' He replies realizing his mistake.

So I stood there and gritted my teeth trying to think of quick solution yet again. Do I keep Tinks and let her live? I mean where do I take her? Who will take her? I have exhausted all my options. So I stood there and thought of Erica, it is her cat after all. But I just thought of the statement my dad said to me when I asked to see a therapist at the age of 13...'Man Up!' I kept hearing it over and over again in my head until finally I said, 'That is life! What are you going to do?'

In my head I knew it just had to be this way. I asked My God to not curse me for this one, it is out of my control. I did everything I could have done! So Tinks will be euthanized this week. Mia still has to pass her exam and I am just going to believe she will so I can assume she has a chance to be adopted again.

This situation is partly my fault. You see, I am the one who talked my father into getting the two cats about 4 years ago after Princess; our dog; died. He agreed to my suggestion and so I paid for the cats out of my own pocket for my sisters. I mean saved them from living in a cage, and Mia had a lung issue when she was a kitten. She was in surgery when we adopted her, and her sister died 3 days after we took them home. Tinks was the replacement for that loss. Anyway, this is a huge thing for me to bear on my shoulders. Human loss doesn't affect me at all, people have the choice of life or death, animals however, especially the domesticated ones have to abide by our choices. So here I am controlling the lives of two helpless animals. I have been down this road before. I gave away Jake when I was in Arizona. I dropped off Lucky at the pound in Arizona also. It was easy to walk away from those because I was wasted. This is the first time I have to do this shit stone cold sober...

Anyway, I never thought in a million years that bad dental would be a reason for being killed. I mean if that was the case, they would have put me down at the age of 2 when I fell on that brick and caved in all my teeth causing me permanent damage to my mouth. I still have to deal with some of the issues. I mean a lot of it has been fixed at a great expense of course, but fixed nonetheless...

To finish this story out, I had to sign Tinks death warrant. They handed me the papers saying that they have informed me of the judgment of euthanasia for her, and I was obligated to sign it. I guess I could have refused and walked out, but there was no fight left in me at the point. There was not a system that I saw a problem with, at least a problem I could fix vocally or non-verbally. So I initialed and signed, and away went any happiness I felt that day. Another cold, dark weekend left to my own thoughts. I am just the right person I guess to have things killed. I mean my emotional state at this point is anger with myself. Not the remorse of loss, or the emotional attachment to something living, only anger at myself for not being able to solve an easy issue that involves two helpless animals.

It might take me a while to let this one go, but it will pass as all other things have in my life. I know I was the strongest person in my family to take care of this issue. My father would have been a ball of jelly; since as he has aged over the years his emotional state has gone from being cold and hard to a rather emotional being who cares about things and people. I stood there, my jaw was tight and clinched, pissed off at the turn of events, but telling myself, 'Man Up!'...

Tis Life!

Later
kenny