Always Changing Mar. 29th, 2007

I have found that life has tried to push me down and then kick me so I don't get back up.  Now this has happened quite a few times in my life, but I am still here.  I just wanted to write down a few sentences because my aggression levels are rising, and I need to vent a little.  I have been anticipating a fist fight with some random stranger.  I don't know why, I just got the feeling that something really bad is coming.  Violence would be in my favor because I have a lot of pent up aggression and anger.  But I am hoping it doesn't happen.  But I do feel strange in my gut, and my gut has never; I repeat, NEVER failed me.  Anyway, I am trying to write down my feelings right now and I walked to work today because I needed to try and think and rationalize before some drastic event takes place that is out of my hands.  Now I am not saying that I am going to cause trouble.  I know better than that.  I am just saying I feel something is about to happen.  I am listening to soft music, I have been writing my thoughts down, and I have been rationalizing life, so I am taking the appropiate steps towards staying grounded.  I just hope someone doesn't light my fuse before I can get back to normal.  I was really bad this morning, but I am slowly getting my brain back in order.  Anyway, this blog is not for anyone but me, and I needed a place that is safe for release.  I am having some serious troubles right now in my head, and this has nothing to do what my friends would think it does.  I am just fed up with a lot of different things, and I have no power to fix or put them back in order.  So I am just going to walk my routine hoping things will work themselves out.  But I think it will work out, I just looked up and saw a spider on the wall.  A big guy he is.  At least I can count on a him killing any other unwanted bugs.  Now I have something else to do, I love watching spiders.  Gotta go...my spider friend is calling my name.

Kenny