I feel alive Oct. 31st, 2007

So, I have had a pretty rough couple of weeks. I am getting more and more complacent with the search. However, I have managed to fix everything else that is wrong in my head. I rationalized and analyzed for almost 2 weeks. I reflected on life from the past, present, and my possible future. There are a ton of positives happening right now. I am going to push for the new book in February. I am going to enjoy life a lot more in the next 3 months. I will be living off my retirement money for awhile, not because it is a good idea, but because I earned it, and hell I might not live to see tomorrow so I am not going to save for something that I might never see. I will be out of this job on Nov. 16th. I am looking into getting an internship through NEIU. The pay is good, and it is only for a few hours a week, just enough for spending money. I feel like a caterpillar that is slowly building his cocoon. I will be totally invisible in a few weeks. But when I break out of this carcass I will be a new being. A wonderful creature that can take flight and soar even higher than I have yet to experience. I have been slowly removing a lot of people from life over the past 2 years. I think this was the cause of some of my stress. No contacts or support network to bounce ideas off, but I forgot during that time that I am independent. Always have been able to make things work in my favor no matter the circumstances. I am strong willed, skin made of leather, heart of stone, no feelings, no emotions, all logic. Yes, all logic! I am moving forward slowly right now so I do not stumble in this process. The anger and color red has been quite apparent the past month. This past few days have been a total different feeling. I feel great today, and yesterday. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. More than likely it doesn't include many of you. The light at the end of this tunnel is my sunshine. I see it, and I am going to head for it. Life has kept me down for a little too long as of late, and I got my wits back, and I am fighting back. Fists up just like when I was kid. BAM BAM BAM...jab, jab, hook. Catch that undefended jawbone, hear and feel the bone shatter behind the impact of my knuckles. Yeah that is right, living the legacy of things I used to be. Not in all aspects, thank God, but in some of the old me. I was tired and I couldn't break the cycle, and now it has been broken. I am going to walk out of this crisis a little stronger, a lot more wise, and definitely more determined. This is all generalized and not too many people have asked recently what this all means, but don't worry this will all be apparent soon enough. A man knocked down with a stubborn streak is bound to get up until death over takes him. That is right, fight to the death, been doing it all my life. Most days it is the psychological war that is the toughest one. But those days are passed, and now the brain is in working order again. Yes, the machine is online, and now to build up the facade, the housing, the inner mechanics, troubleshoot, hook up the computer, run it and watch the production begin. What am I building? I am building a human being that has long been passed over in life. A human being that should have evolved into this direction years ago. This new person, yes new; will be the best model produced yet. A highly qualified, highly motivated, highly ambitious, highly volatile, highly charged, and always brutally honest. This is the day that I say 'NO MORE!' I have stated this here on this day October 31st, 2007. I don't care who reads this, just know you never have met the person who is forming and will be completed by the end of next month...

Good day all!
Keep it real, and all will be well!!!