One Fucked Up Day!!! June 3rd, 2007

Well, I told my roommate today to get the Fuck Out!!!  He misunderstood me at first thinking I meant maybe tomorrow or the next day.  LOL.   He actually went back to bed afterwards.  I must be fucking just as insane as he is right now.  So, I waited for a few hours and then reiterated the policy of him moving.  His ex-girlfriend was here, and she started trying to talk me into letting him stay one more night because he has an appointment at a halfway house tomorrow morning.  I said, 'no' a lot....But finally I just gave in, one more night, I should write a book about this shit.  Chaos and Insanity go hand in hand.  I took away his house key and told him if he leaves tonight he will be locked out.  Yes, I guess I have a heart after all.  I am an asshole, but somewhere over the past 4 years of sobriety I have picked up some empathy.  Someone gave me a chance 4 years ago, when I was almost dead.  Now, I am returning the favor, Paying It Forward if you will.  So, this is against my better judgment, but Mario can stay tonight, he has no key, and I probably won't sleep because of it.  But tomorrow morning he is gone.  He cannot get back in and that is that...
Today is Beth Ann Christensen's death anniversary.  She died at the age of 21; 6 years ago today.  R.I.P. Baby Girl, I love you dearly and wish you were here with me, I don't think I would be dealing with situations like this if you were here.  Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing we will never know.  I am so far removed from the world of drugs.  I get pissed now and understand how I made my family feel all those years.  All the turmoil of trying to do the right thing, but also trying to be stern and use anger to control a situation.  Control; by standing up and saying 'NO', but it is tough.  I loved/love Beth with everything I have inside of myself.  Wholeheartedly, Unconditionally, I expected to be retiring with her by my side.  I expected so much, and was let down hard. 
Like I said, One Fucked Up Day!!!!  Pray for me and my sanity.  I don't know which one will go first...

Kenny